Children and Money

"Children need to learn about money. Children need to trust money."

These words were spoken to me by a friend when I shared my dilemma of how to manage a six year old who was stealing money from siblings.
The school canteen manager contacted me. She knew Six should not have a $20 note.
Six stole from an older sibling who had not noticed the money was missing. Yet.
On investigation Six had been taking small amounts for a few months.

To teach my children to manage their money I set up the pocket money (PM) system.
The rate was based on age and needs. There were rules.

1. Money paid fortnightly. Every fortnight. Without fail. (Trust)
2. No money was ever to be deducted from pocket money for misbehaviour. (Trust)
3. Pocket money was to be budgeted. (Managing)
     10% to a charity of choice
      30% to savings bank account
       60% discretionary spending

The needs of each age group were part of setting the rate.
Teenagers needed money for socialising  and some obligations.
Four year old received 50 cents per fortnight.
Fourteen year old received $20 (or was it $25.?)
Fourteen had youth nights, movies/activities, friends birthday gifts etc.
If it was discretionary activity PM was used. If obligatory then HK paid.
Four year old loved putting money in collection at church,
buying Mum presents or going to deli to buy lollies.
Fourteen had choices. Shopping with friends or buy that book?

Housekeeping (HK) paid for essentials - clothing, toiletries,
sanitary/shaving requirements but if someone wanted special or
fancy brand toiletry that was bought with pocket money.
Much negotiation was practised.
e.g. if HK paid $x for shampoo was that amount still paid and difference in cost from PM?

When McJobs were taken a family meeting decided 10% was equitable amount
to contribute to housekeeping. Four year old delivering junk mail
did not pay more, proportionately, than Maccas worker earning much more.

Interestingly, six year old stopped stealing.
Many years later when grandchild began shoplifting the PM system was initiated
shoplifting ceased.
Was the feeling of “control” satisfied?
Was it the serious but non emotional discussions regarding “yours, mine, ours”
or the learning curve of pay for what you want?

I learnt a valuable parenting lesson.
Children, “all grown up and saving China”*,
manage their budgets very well. Seemingly.
As an outsider looking in.


*  Disney’s Mulan 1998

Waafles ( you know - the pronunciation the donkey uses in Shrek)

The Best WAFFLES OR PANCAKES Recipe

(American recipe - my friend Soozi has an American friend who gave her this recipe. It should read Waffles or Hotcakes)

Mix dry ingredients:

1 ¾ cups plain flour

2 teaspoons baking powder (I use 1 tablespoon baking powder)

½ teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon sugar

Beat well

3 egg yolks

2 to 7 tablespoons salad oil (I use the 7 tablespoons of olive oil)

1 ½ cups milk

Combine wet and dry mixture

Beat stiff

3 egg whites

Fold into wet mixture

Cook ½ cup for 2 minutes.

Note: My waffle maker doesn’t cope with ½ cup of batter.

I use 1/3 cup.

Being deaf

Life is difficult.

And some things make life even more difficult.

Being deaf is extremely difficult.

If you are anywhere, but especially at a party your brain knows all the people around you are talking and the brain constantly tries to 'hear' what is being said but due to deafness the input isn't available. 

Within an hour of being at a party I have a headache. Then I feel really tired, physically tired followed by irritability. Within an hour and half I have reached my breaking point. I need to go home. 

Then there is the social side - everyone around you is talking but you don't know what they are talking about. 

If I ask them to repeat what they said they become annoyed. After a few experiences I stopped asking. 

I don't bother to ask people to repeat what they said or join in conversations unless I am in a quiet-ish space with only one or two people.

Recently I went on a cruise. We were a party of nine and we sat together for meals most days. After a couple of days I was leaving the table early while everyone else sat and talked and laughed and had a ball. 

I couldn't hear what anyone was saying, even the people either side of me I had to ask them to repeat what they said. There was a lot of background noise. By the end of the cruise I was sitting at the table with eight other people and I was doing jigsaws on my iPhone. They all probably thought I was rude. They'd be wrong. I was bored, irritable and ignored. If you don't join in the conversation you get ignored, just like you are not there. 

One night I was asked if I was tired, I replied "No I am deaf."

I notice the body language between couples when one of them is "hard of hearing". The hearing partner is exasperated, irritated and sometimes just plain angry. When I talk with them I talk to the 'deaf' person and point out the physical effects of deafness (as above) and ask if they are aware of the frustration and anger their partner is experiencing. At some point, if they haven't run away screaming, I point out the body language of their partner. Watch the head. See them nodding when I make a point they particularly agree with. Watch how hard they nod when I explain the aggravation they experience. 

It isn't just couples. Adult children tell me of their frustration with Mum or Dad. They relate their children's frustration and misery when they try to talk with a deaf grandparent. 

Don't get a hearing aid unless you intend to wear it. It isn't fair to get a hearing aid and leave it in the drawer. Your brain takes two months to re-programme. You probably went deaf over some years and now you expect your brain to pick up where it left off back when you had perfect hearing. 

Don't put it on and expect everything to be 'normal'. Put the hearing aid in everyday, at home. People tell me they don't need it at home. They might not. But their family does. Wear it for a short period maybe an hour or two during a meal time or while watching TV. Partners and neighbours appreciate it when a deaf person gets a hearing aid.

I made the common mistake of having an in ear hearing aid - companies push the 'invisible' line. Well get over it. Some people really manage an in-ear aid well but my ears develop eczema from the aid sitting there all the time. So now I have over-the-ear aids. I really like people being able to see my aids. But mostly no one notices them even if I cut my hair really short. They are actually designed to be not noticed. 

Maybe I should try for fluoro ones. 

If someone sees I wear an aid they might get the idea I am deaf.  

Writing

Why write?
Why does everyone bother to write?

Is it the old keeping a diary thing?

Does it help keep you sane?

I guess in the olden days women (and men I suppose) who didn't have a friend or an outlet for
creativity might have chosen to keep a diary or write novels.

I used to write letters. I was fifteen when I started seeking out pen pals.

I also collected labels of wine companies. I used to write to companies around the world
and request copies of labels from their products. Just an excuse to write letters really.
I had to save up for the cost of the paper, envelopes and stamps.

I still have a collection of some of those labels. Somewhere.
I wonder if I could sell them on Ebay?

How many blogs are there out there on the internet?

"The man in the spa".

Good title for a blog I reckon.

Two of us were at a work conference and we went to the spa at the resort and there was a married
couple using the spa. He had a full time job with an aviation company but he had a blog.
He wrote about "medical" topics.
"You don't need to know about a topic. You don't need to know how to write." Very earnestly.
"You sign up with x company and pay $20 and you keep all the money you earn from commissions.
And you get your templates from y website and post everyday."

I still can't work out how he made money out of this but he was definitely trying to sign us  up.

Since I work for a company who copywrite this encounter was fairly amusing.
The phrase "the man in the spa" came up regularly in our planning meetings over the next two days.

Now I am writing a blog.
About nothing, just musing "on paper" I would have said in the not quite so olden days.